


you're the universe i'm helpless in

by lilacvenus



Series: If I could do it all over again, I would. And I wouldn’t change a thing. [7]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, But what's new about that, Depressed Newt, Developing Relationship, Insecure Newt (Maze Runner), M/M, Newt too, newtmas - Freeform, thomas is so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 12:04:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19887442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacvenus/pseuds/lilacvenus
Summary: "You are so beautiful." Thomas whispered, still watching him. Newt flushed, and denied."And you are so drunk.""That doesn't take away how beautiful you are."





	you're the universe i'm helpless in

They had started this strange silent agreement no more than a month ago, at Minho's birthday party, which all his friends had organized for him. The news of Minho's party spread quickly through the university so the house of the fraternity where Thomas and Minho lived was infested with people.

That had a reasonable explanation, and it was very easy to deduce. Minho and Thomas were popular boys, Newt could assure that everyone knows them. Both belonged to the football team, and were the stereotype of the perfect boy.

Newt was watching the sea of people, holding tightly his empty red cup. He fixed his gaze on Thomas, who was playing beer-pong with Minho and his fraternity friends.

Newt tells himself, that if he hadn't met Thomas before college, he would hate him. Thomas represents everything that Newt is not. He is sure of himself, all the people love to be around him because he's charming, all the girls die for him, he is athletic, and he is captain of the football team. 

He thinks that if they hadn't been friends since childhood, he would think of Thomas as the protagonist of another stupid cliché story that Newt doesn't tolerate seeing in teenage films. The blond says he would hate him, but he knows it's a lie.

Simply because Thomas is impossible to hate. He's perfect. The blond felt his cheeks blush. He couldn't hate Thomas because there is nothing to hate about him, _damn_ , even with the status the brunet has in college, in which he's cataloged almost as a God, he's the same nice guy he has always been.

Newt frowned and got angry at himself. Being in love with Thomas was killing him, because he knew it would never end well, and when that happened, he wouldn't have a single thing to hate about the boy.

He let out a deep breath and walked through the whole sea of people, heading towards the kitchen.

"Newt!" He was received in the kitchen by his friend Teresa, who was chatting with other people. "Everything all right? The party has been a success! Minho's very happy." She gave him a smile.

Both watched Minho through the kitchen window where the other boys were playing. Thomas threw the ball and it fell into a cup, making him smile, and celebrate with Minho. Newt's heart cringed.

"Yeah." He answered. "Do you know what's the strongest drink around here?" Teresa laughed and took Newt's hand, leading him toward the drinks.

If someone asked Newt how they had ended up in that situation, he wouldn't know what to answer, since before that there's only fuzzy memories and loud sounds. All he remembers is that he was drunk enough not to think about the consequences of his actions. Before that, Thomas remembers Newt's smile and laughter. The blond remembers Thomas' hand on his, leading him towards the stairs.

The only thing Newt is aware of is that the two had ended up in a session of hot kisses in the bathtub of Thomas' house.

Nobody found out, and the two didn't mention it. Sometimes, Newt wondered if that really had happened, but remembering Thomas' neck the next morning with purple parts covering it, and all his friends bothering him to know who was the mysterious girl who had done it to him, assures him it was true.

It happened again at another party, this time it was from a friend of Thomas. The relationship between the two boys hadn't changed at all, and Newt didn't know whether to be grateful or worried. Did Thomas even remember anything from that day? He decided not to continue torturing himself with his thoughts, and to think that if Thomas had given it importance, he would have told him something already.

So now they were going to another party, the brunet had convinced Newt to join. Newt wasn't normally fan of parties, he avoided them as much as he could, but the real reason why he went was because he wanted to kiss Thomas again, and imagined that there would be some chance at the party. Newt wanted to enjoy situations in which they could be together without any explanation or consequence, being able to blame alcohol if things turned against him.

Upon arriving at the party, Thomas greeted all his friends and Newt went to the kitchen, where he had seen Brenda enter, who was his friend and also the girlfriend of the party boy. Newt watched Thomas from the kitchen, smiling and talking with his friends, while some girls arrived and greeted him with kisses on the cheek, Thomas always friendly and making conversation.

Newt tightened the grip on the beer Brenda had offered him, and gave it a long drink.

The two ended up again in a session of wet kisses, this time behind a tree that was in the garden of the house. They had enough alcohol circulating through their veins, but they were still aware of what they were doing. Everyone else at the party was drunk enough to notice the absence of the two boys. Thomas had Newt pressed against a tree, taking the blond's face with his hands to deepen the kiss.

The next day, Thomas' friends observed again a mark on the brunet's neck, and began making bets on which girl could it be the responsible.

The third time Newt made a hickey to Thomas, neither was drunk.

Thomas had asked the blond for help to study for one of his math tests, which, although Newt didn't have that subject, had always been good at it. They already had much of the themes seen, when Thomas began to get distracted. He started playing with Newt's arm, moving it from side to side, then taking his hand and starting to draw patterns on it. Newt too distracted with the touch to continue the demonstration of a formula, just watched the movements of Thomas' hand on his.

The two pairs of eyes met, trying to decipher each other's thoughts. Newt didn't want to be the first to mention it, he was afraid that Thomas would decide to pretend not to remember anything and then ruin everything, but there was no need for words, because Thomas took the other boy's face in his hands and closed the distance between them.

Newt couldn't think clearly, he was only aware that he was kissing Thomas again, and that was all he wanted to think about at the time.

Now he was straddling the brunet, sucking the skin of his neck, starting to turn it purple. They were in Newt's dorm, who did live on the university campus.

Thomas placed his hands around Newt's waist, tucking them under his shirt, stroking the boy's now exposed skin. Newt kept sucking on the brunet's neck, he seemed to enjoy doing so. Thomas let out a small gasp, making Newt smile.

The kissing session lasted less than they would have liked, the two had to separate when they heard footsteps in the hallway and some keys against the door of Newt's room.

They snapped away and tried to fix their clothes and hair to look as normal as possible. Aris entered the room, and it seemed that he didn't even bother to turn to see them.

"Hi guys." The two nodded and returned the greeting. "Are you still Thomas' tutor? I would charge him if I were you."

Newt blushed at the situation he was in and let out a small laugh.

"Yes, I think I will do that." He looked down, as if the floor was the most interesting thing in the world.

"I have to go." Thomas broke the silence, standing up suddenly. "Thanks Newt, you saved my life." The blond nodded, and said goodbye with a hand movement, still not being able to look back at him. "I'll call you." Thomas commented, touching the knee of his friend and walking to the door, taking his jacket and notes. "Aris." He said as a farewell and Newt's roommate nodded, but not before adding something.

"Will you tell us someday the name of that mysterious girl?" He asked recklessly. Thomas didn't understand very well, until Aris pointed in the direction of his neck, where the purple tone began to show.

Thomas said nothing and left the room. Newt avoided Aris' gaze so he didn't have to mention anything about it.

Newt hadn't seen Thomas in three days, the brunet hadn't called him as he had promised. If he told someone what was going on, he knows they would answer that he was exaggerating, that three days is a fairly short time to draw conclusions and that Thomas was probably busy. Newt knew that, but they didn't know them. It hadn't been a day since they entered the university, in which Newt and Thomas didn't see each other, or didn't call each other or even text. They were always talking.

Newt let out a sigh while lying on his bed. Aris was reading a book also sitting on his bed, with his legs up on the wall and his head hanging on the shore.

"You're very quiet lately." Aris commented. "More than normal." He closed his book and placed it next to him. "And your pupil?" Newt observed him and raised an eyebrow. The blond released another sigh, made an almost imperceptible shoulder movement, indicating he didn't know, Aris noticed.

"I understand that he was angry because I almost find you one on top of the other, but, stop talking to you? It makes no sense, if you want my opinion."

Newt opened his eyes in surprise, almost choking on his own saliva. "What are you talking about?"

Aris sighed. "Oh, come on, do you think I'm that stupid? Your clothes were out of order, your hair was a mess and the hickey was just beginning to appear."

Newt's cheeks were red. "But," He didn't know what to say. "You asked about the girl."

"I was bugging him." Aris stood up and went to his closet. "I wanted to see if you were comfortable enough to say something about it." He was looking for a particular garment. "Apparently no."

Newt looked at him incredulously, but he threw himself back on his bed. "He hasn't talked to me since."

"Don't expect much from that boy, Newt. He has good intentions, but he's too dumb to understand what he feels. Give him time."

"It's just that," For the first time, Newt was going to tell someone what had imprisoned him so long. "I don't know if he really feels something." Aris turned to see him, but Newt didn't, he kept watching the ceiling. "He has never commented anything about it, and we only shared kisses at parties and, that time." He grimaced.

Aris said nothing for a time. "Give him time." He repeated. Newt closed his eyes tightly.

Two days later, Newt was wandering through the halls of the library, looking for a book that caught his attention. It was seven o'clock at night and the blond was in his favorite place on campus. There was no noise, and he felt he was in a different universe. He took a book about Greco-Roman literature that he assured hadn't read before and sat against the bookshelves. He was in the middle of the second chapter when his cell phone vibrated.

He took it and realized it was a text from Thomas.

_From Tommy (7:36 PM): Waffle house at 9. Meet me?_

Newt watched the text for a long time, when another one appeared.

_From Tommy (7:39 PM): Say yes_

Newt was sitting at one of the tables in the colorful restaurant, They used to go there after a long week of evaluations. He played with the sugar that was on the table, when Thomas appeared, sitting in front of him.

"Always ten minutes before." Thomas commented, about Newt's habit of arriving before the agreed time.

"Always running, Tommy." He replied, while the brunet gave him a smile and Newt extended him the other menu on the table.

They finished dinner after a while, and decided to walk around the near park.

"Do you want to go to the lookout?" Thomas asked, kicking a rock.

They were laughing while Thomas told how it was that in the last practice one of his teammates lost a tooth. When they reached the top, they both looked perplexed at how everything looked so small from there. _As if you could take the houses with your hands and accommodate them on your favor,_ Thomas had once commented. _Only if you're bloody high,_ was Newt's response.

Newt leaned on the rail and Thomas placed his arms around the blond's body, cornering him.

Newt wanted to ask him why he hadn't contacted him before, but there was no time for that, because before he even processed it, Thomas' lips were already on his. It was a strong kiss, Newt placed his hands on the cheeks of the brunet, deepening it.

They spent most of the night together, after sharing several kisses as if their life depended on it, Thomas accompanied Newt to his dorm, and after the blond closed the door, Thomas smiled and left with his hands on the pockets of his jacket, and a hickey on his neck.

The fifth time Newt made a hickey to Thomas, it didn't end up well.

Lately things were pretty relax between the two boys, they started to act normal again, but Newt couldn't help wondering what it meant to Thomas. They were in the brunet's house, playing video games in his room. Newt laughed while Thomas cursed because his character had been killed again.

Thomas paused the game, releasing the controller and stretching his arms.

"So that's what you are going to do? Pause the game to avoid the reality that you are losing..." Newt was interrupted by the lips of Thomas on his, who began to kiss him hard, and after a while, he lay down and placed himself on top of the blond, never parting their lips. They had been in Thomas' room for no more than two hours, and Newt had already made two hickeys to the brunet, which wouldn't took long to turn purple.

They heard the front door being opened. "Food!" Minho's voice sounded throughout the house.

Thomas separated from Newt. "I think we better join them now if we want to eat something." Newt laughed with Thomas' lips very close to his, making the other boy shiver.

They came down, being greeted by Minho raising an eyebrow, and then smiling. "Newt, I didn't know you were here."

"Hi, Minho." The two boys began to make a small conversation about how they had been since they last saw each other, when three other friends of Thomas also arrived with bags of food, four girls with them.

Thomas opened the pizza box that Minho had brought, asking Newt if he wanted a slice, the boy nodded.

"Thank you, Tommy." Newt commented when the brunet handed him a plate.

Thomas was interrupted by one of the girls, when he was opening the other bags.

"Hello!" The girl said, Thomas smiled in greeting. "How are you?" Newt was going to let it go, he knew that girls used to flirt with the brunet, it was inevitable, but something happened that he didn't expect. "I was wondering, did I give you my phone number wrong?" Thomas grimaced, and the girl kept talking, ignoring the two hickeys that were on Thomas' neck. "It's just that," She played with her hair. "You haven't called me since we went out, and I think that we had a really good night, then, I thought that maybe I had given you wrong my number and that's why you hadn't called." Minho, who was also listening, tried to pretend that he didn't feel sorry for the girl, and Newt's world was falling apart, has Thomas been dating girls at the same time they had been kissing? His cheeks flushed with fury, mostly because he didn't even know what it meant to Thomas what both of them had, so he didn't even have the right to complain about it.

Newt apologizing to Minho for ending their conversation, left the kitchen, and took his orange coat that was on the couch. He rushed out of the place, walking towards his bicycle. He already knew what it meant to Thomas, apparently nothing.

"Newt! Wait!" Thomas reached the blond and tried to place his hand on the other boy's arm, who only pulled away.

"No." Newt took the handle of his bike, and turned to see Thomas. "Goodbye."

Thomas watched him go, his heart pounding.

Newt, for the first time could think of a coherent reason why he could hate Thomas, and he hated the world because of that.

"Thomas." Newt listened to everything that was happening while he was hiding under the sheets, sinking his head under the pillow trying to disappear. "I’m sorry, he really isn't here." He heard how the door opened a little and Aris tried to close it.

"So you're going to tell me that you leave the music on at full volume?" Newt cursed, hugging his legs.

"That is why I have returned, to turn it off."

"And are you going to tell me that you listen to the same French music as Newt? Which you say you hate?"

Newt could imagine Aris' face, forming a line with his mouth, trying to made up anything that could make Thomas to leave.

"If you can't fight the enemy, join him."

"If Newt isn't there, why don't you let me in?"

"I don't need you inside. Look, I'll let you know when he comes back, when he's ready..." Newt knew Aris was giving Thomas a harsh look, he could feel it. "See you."

He opened the door and got in, closing it quickly after him. They didn't hear any noise outside, maybe the music served very well as a barrier. Suddenly there were some faint steps that moved away, which over time became closer again.

There was a knock on the door, and Newt knew that Aris' gaze was looking for his, but he didn't feel like returning it, or even explaining, he was so tired.

"Newt, I know you're there." Thomas' hardy voice, the one he used only to talk about serious things was on the other side of the door, making Newt feel smaller. "I don't understand what happened. Let's just talk." Silence. "I miss you." Thomas' words remained in the air, Newt wanting to making them go away, increased the volume of the music, no longer being able to hear Thomas' footsteps walking down the hall.

After a while, he heard Aris dig through something in his drawers, feeling a blow on his back. He left his hiding place, and observed that what hit him were headphones.

"You need them more than me." Newt grimaced, trying hard to smile. "Now, put them on before somebody complains about the noise." Newt took them, giving to his friend a thankfulness look, which Aris immediately understood, denying. "It's okay. Now put them on before I destroy all your French records. Thomas was right, I hate that music."

Newt let out a slight laugh, and lay back on his bed. Ignoring everything, trying not to think more than on the melody in his head.

The following days were tougher, trying to evade Thomas was a challenge, especially if he looked for the blond. More than three times Thomas almost cornered him, but Newt always found a way to escape.

"So, are you sure you're not going?" Aris was reading a book, as Newt revised notes of his classes seen during the week. Without turning to see, he just nodded.

"You know it's the most important game of the whole season, don't you?" Newt shrugged. "If I was sure about something, it's that you would follow that boy to the end of the world regardless of anything." Aris' comment made Newt feel a pain in his chest. "Damn, did he kill your family?" He got no answer. "Anyways, as Thomas doesn't stop looking for you and you don't stop evading him, apparently he has thought that he can come to me for communicate with you, and he has told me that he has reserved a place for you on the first bench, whatever that means. He really wants you to go to see him."

Newt put on the headphones Aris had given him and gave his roommate a smile, outrageously ignoring everything his friend had said. Aris just chuckled and shook his head, showing his middle finger to the blond.

They were one day away from the game, everyone was excited and wearing the colors and shirts of the university with pride, all but some people who didn't like that kind of things, and Newt.

One of the blond's favorite things about his faculty, is that although not everyone, most people were neutral on the subject of sports, so the classes went smoothly. Still, everyone would go to the game, because they knew either they lose or win, there would be a massive party and no one could miss it.

Newt's classes were over, and he was wandering the halls of the library, he was going to go for his favorite book. A book that, he would never admit aloud to his classmates, he had read more than 6 times. It was about poems, and although it was a book that had some prestige, it was still a book of poetry that kept him company at his loneliest times, right after Thomas, of course.

He found the book he had been looking for, there were five copies of it, some in different versions. When he took a copy of the book, another one fell and from it slipped a piece of paper, Newt took it and his heart shrunk when he realized that it wasn't a simple paper, it was a photograph of Thomas and him. Specifically in their first summer camp together just after leaving elementary school. As crazy as the idea seemed, New tried to remember the books Thomas had seen him take, the books he had talked about. The day turned into night, and Newt ended up lying on the floor on the fifth floor of the library surrounded by exactly seventeen photographs of Thomas and him, with his hands covering his eyes, thousands of memories surrounding him and a sea of questions on his mind.

He stood up from the floor and put on his jacket, took all the photographs and carefully put them in his backpack. He watched the empty halls, and said goodbye to the lady at the reception when he left, Newt knew he should go to his room, but his feet seemed not want to hear him and he was taken to a totally opposite place.

The football stadium lights were strangely on for the time it was. Newt was sitting in the highest stands of the stadium, knowing that it was impossible to be seen from there with the crowd, but now it was just him and thousands of empty seats.

Thomas was practicing, when he realized that someone was at the stadium with him. He placed his hands over his eyes to try to avoid the light and see who the person who kept him company was. His heart already knew, but he needed to be sure. He began jogging towards the stands, while Newt watched him and stood, leaning on the handrail behind the last seats, putting one of his hands into the purple pocket of his black and yellow jacket, and the other hand clinging to the strap of his backpack. His hair flew with the wind, and he felt uncomfortable about it, but Thomas thought he looked beautiful.

Arriving in front of him, they looked at each other, not sure what words to choose to start talking about the situation.

"I think you got confused. You shouldn't have come today, the game is tomorrow." Thomas joked trying to break the silence that had formed between them. Newt frowned, not understanding very well.

"I think I should go." Newt tried to turn and leave, when the brunet's voice stopped him.

"No! Newt. Don't go." Thomas spoke, which caused the blond to sigh and return to his original position. "I'm glad you came, you don't know how much." The blond looked at him for the first time in a long time to the eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you."

Newt's cheeks turned red. "I found the photos." He took his hand from his pocket, ready to open his backpack. "I don't know what to tell you."

"I wanted you to remember me." Thomas shrugged. "Newt, I,"

"Why did you do it Thomas?" The blond interrupted him, baffling the other boy.

"Why did I do what?" Thomas replied with another question, trying to ignore the fact that Newt had called him by his name and not by the nickname that was only exclusive to him, making his chest ache.

The boy looked at him as if the question had offended him, as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world and Thomas had decided to ask only to annoy him. "Why did you let this happen? why did you kiss me all those times?" Newt raised his tone more and more, beginning to feel a lump in his throat, his eyes beginning to crystallize. "Why did you go out with that girl?" His voice sound hurt, breaking Thomas' heart, and confusing him. "Did this mean anything to you?" The words came out with more difficulty from his mouth.

Silence reigned again, and Newt cleaned his eyes sharply with the sleeves of his jacket, hating to be weak in front of Thomas.

"I thought it meant nothing to you." Thomas confessed. "That's why I didn't ask anything about it, I thought you just wanted to fool around with me." Newt frown, and focus on the boy standing in front of him. Thomas was sweaty, and looked tired. He was wearing sportswear, and even with a halo of sweat on his shirt he looked fucking good.

"What? Why would I want that?"

"Newt, the first time I tried to kiss you was at Minho's party, at the kitchen, in front of Teresa and Brenda. You refused and told me that you also wanted to kiss me but nobody could see us, so we ended up in the bathtub." Newt swallowed hard, he just remembered the part in which they ended up in the tub, sharing awkward kisses. "In the second party in which we kissed again, I tried to say goodbye to you with a kiss, and you denied, saying that someone could see us." Newt lowered his head in shame. "Including all the times I tried to make you a hickey like the ones you usually do to me, but you always manage to evade it." Newt looked up and looked at Thomas confused, being aware until that moment, that in fact, he had done that. "Besides, it's me who most of the times begin the kisses," He took a step forward. "Me who's looking for you," Now they were closer, still not being able to touch each other if they stretched an arm. "Sorry for taking all that as a sign that you had no interest in me outside of sharing saliva."

Newt was stunned, he couldn't find the words to talk again. "But when you ignored me for almost a week, I thought,"

"I was confused, and you also decided not to look for me in all that time. Making me notice that maybe you didn't care at all. You know? It's not always me who has to look for the other."

"Why did you go out with that girl anyways?"

"Yeah, that wasn't my decision. The boys met her because she works in a bar they usually go to, once I accompanied them and she seemed to like me, so they arranged us for a date because they wanted me to date her just to have free drinks. I must say it worked sometimes. Well, I told them no, but she was already in our house, so I couldn't just leave her there. I took her to eat hamburgers, and then bowling. Which I thought might be the least similar to a date, but she took it as one. How you heard, I never spoke to her again." Newt swallowed hard. Of course Thomas would go out with her, he wasn't going to leave her alone there so she felt bad about it, he wasn't a bad person. He never was. A tear rolled down Newt's cheek. That could only mean one thing.

The problem was _him_.

"Now that you know my version of the story, which one is yours?" Thomas' voice was neutral, never in an accusatory tone, he spoke as if he were the most patient person in the world, for Newt, Thomas would always be patient.

Newt's brain suddenly joined all the pieces of his own puzzle, which he had believed for a time was Thomas', making him notice what he had unconsciously blocked, the truth he didn't want to admit.

The memory of the first times they kissed passed through his head, and as indeed, Newt had preferred places where no one could see them, he also recognized how Thomas had always looked for him, and how it was that on the day of the girl's appearance his heart ached but he still decided that it would be better to leave Thomas instead of trying to listen to him.

"You deserve better." Another tear slid down his cheek and Thomas tried unconsciously to approach to comfort Newt, as he always did, but Newt stepped back, denying. "I think I've done everything because I know you deserve someone better, and nobody should see you with me because they would deduce it too. Thomas, look at you!" The blond smiled wistfully in tears. "You're perfect, you're the damn dream boy that all the girls fantasize about. The one who must have at his side a perfect person like him, a pretty _girl_." He tightened his grip on his backpack. "Not a boy like me. Thomas, I'm a disaster, and apparently I have unconsciously tried to get away from you so that I don't drag you with me." He couldn't see the brunet into the eyes, he knew that if he did it, it would only destroy him more. "Thomas, you deserve the best," Heart hanging on a thread, he let go the words that would end up breaking him. "And it's not me."

Newt released a hiccup, he tried to watch Thomas for the last time, but he didn't even feel able to breathe. Trying to control small sobs that wanted to come out of his mouth, he continued on down the steps, and listened as Thomas' footsteps followed him, slowly.

"Newt," Thomas reached him and the blond stopped his trot. Not knowing where he got the strength to do it, he turned on his own feet, and watched Thomas standing in front of him. The brunet had a smile on his face, but not just any smile. Thomas had many kinds of smiles, but there were some only reserved for Newt, only belonged to him. This was one of those, and it was one of the most specials. Thomas used to smile at him in that way long before Newt started taking his antidepressants, when his parents still didn't know what he had and there were times when he felt he couldn't do anything, Thomas was smiling at him in that way. He seemed to tell him _Everything will be fine, I'm with you_ , and Newt at that age still not being aware that much later he would end up falling in love with that boy, knew it was true, everything was going to be fine.

Thomas approached slowly, unhurriedly, as if time became an abstract concept and didn't matter anymore. He took Newt in his arms and the blond couldn't help but began to sob louder. Feeling that he could no longer support himself with his feet, he fell into Thomas' arms and they both slid to the floor, still hugging.

Newt hated himself at that moment, because even knowing that it was all his fault, and that he had hurt Thomas with acts that he didn't see important, even though Thomas had been the most hurt of them, it was the brunet who was comforting him, and Newt knew that wasn't fair, that he couldn't stay with Thomas even if he wanted, because he would end up hurting him again and again.

It was true, everything he had said. Thomas deserved someone better.

Thomas held Newt in his arms while the blond continued sobbing, distributing kisses on his forehead and occasionally stroking his hair with gentle movements with his nose. They remained like that, not caring about anything else, until Newt's breathing calmed and the tears stopped running down his cheeks.

Thomas took the blond's hand, and guided Newt to his car. They didn't mention anything, Thomas knew that his friend wasn't in a mood to continue speaking, and didn't want to press him.

"Do you want me to take you to your dorm or do you prefer to spend the night with me?" Newt let Thomas fasten his belt, and leaned the head against the window.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

 _I want to be with you, but I have to find a way to let you go_. "Could you take me to my dorm? Please."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel alone." Thomas' voice sounded with a tone of concern, and Newt hated himself for making the boy feel responsible for his instability.

"I won't be alone, Aris will be there. Also, I have to finish some homework and my books for tomorrow are there."

"We can..." There it was, again, Thomas always trying to solve all Newt's problems.

"Thomas, seriously. It's okay. I know you don't have to go to classes tomorrow, so I won't make you wake up early just to take me to mine when I can walk. Please, just, I want to stay in my dorm." Newt looked down, and began to play with the threads that hung from his jacket. Thomas tried to ignore again the feeling that caused Newt at not to call him by the nickname by which he had always called him since they were little. Newt only used to call him by his name when he was upset with him, or hurt.

Thomas has always been in love with Newt, well, since he can remember. He had always felt the need to protect him, and be with him. Newt is one of the most interesting and mysterious people he had ever met, even since they were little, the blond used to know things that others didn't, leaving him always impressed. Thomas had always admired the blond, and he loved that Newt decided to share time with him. He has felt very fortunate to be one of the few people with whom Newt feels completely comfortable, since the blond is usually very selective with the type of people he is with. He knew that when they arrived at the university, Newt could find people more interesting than him, people who would share the blond's tastes and it hurt him to think that at any moment Newt would change him. Thomas wish he was half as interesting as Newt is, just so the blond would never get bored of him.

Thomas has always loved Newt, and has learned to fall in love with him completely, to memorize every detail, every comment, every expression. They have shared almost every moment of their lifes together, that includes the bad moments. Since childhood, Thomas knew that Newt was different, his mother had mentioned it to him once. At an early age, Thomas' mother had to explain his son what depression and anxiety meant, and why sometimes that was why his best friend couldn't go out and play with him, or why sometimes Newt used to get frustrated too quickly and began to cry, why his best friend used to feel sad without any explanation. Thomas knew all this, and never thought about abandoning his friend. He decided to take care of him, and even now, he had never seen him as a burden, because all he cared about was that even when the days for Newt might seem gray and he was unable to get out of his bed, there were times when he saw Newt smile or hum songs, or even laugh, and everything was worth it.

Thomas drove to the building where Newt lived, and when he stopped the car the blond wanted to open the door immediately.

"Newt," Thomas spoke, causing the blond to turn around and give him an indecipherable look. He knew that mentioning anything about it would only overwhelm the blond, so he decided to just smile at him and took one of his cheeks delicately with one hand. "Tell me that you will think about going to see the game tomorrow, it will make me happy see you there."

Newt showed a grin very similar to a smile, and removed his face from Thomas' hand, losing touch, causing both to miss it.

"Bye, Thomas."

And the boy got lost in the night.

Upon arriving at his dorm, Newt knew that Aris wasn't asleep, but the other boy made no comment about it, and the blond silently thanked.

Newt couldn't sleep, he started to fall asleep until an hour before the sun came up. All night the same question ran around his head, torturing him, _what should I do?_ His eyes began to close involuntarily, and his mind was left without a clear answer.

The next day, everyone was excited about the game, it was the only thing that was talked about on the entire campus.

"Are you all right?" Aris asked, as New entered their dorm and threw his backpack on his desk. "It seems you haven't slept very well."

Newt threw himself on the bed, and buried his head in the pillow, he felt emotionally and physically exhausted.

His phone rang, indicating that he had a new notification. Newt could mentally calculate that with this, it was the fifth message that Thomas had sent him on the day. The first one arrived ten minutes after Thomas had left him last night, Newt had promised himself that he would answer it, but he was so embarrassed of what had happened, that he didn't feel able to face him even via text.

The phone started ringing, now indicating that he had a call.

"Again your boyfriend? He's not a quitter, huh?" Aris took his card game and put it in his backpack, accustomed to Newt not answering him, he continued talking. "The boys will meet after the game to go to the party, you can come with us if you want." Newt took off his shoes with help only from his feet, and got inside the covers, covering himself up to his head. "Newt, whatever had happened between Thomas and you, you have to get over it now. That boy doesn't stop looking for you and trying to talk to you, it starts to give me a little pity. If you think you'll never be able to forgive him, tell him now but do not leave him in the limbo."

Newt felt bad again about the comment Aris had made, he stepped out from under the sheets and watched the boy in front of him, his roommate was surprised that Newt had left his hiding place.

"At least we agree on something," Newt replied, stroking his arm. Aris looked at him in confusion. "All I do is hurt Thomas." He released, losing the voice at the end, and his eyes began to flood with tears. Aris was surprised, he had never seen Newt in a state that wasn't irritated or angry with the world, or sometimes, for brief moments, happy. Moments when he was with Thomas and then Aris used to come and interrupt them. Now he looked fragile, and Aris stayed quiet for a few minutes, not knowing how to answer. Apparently, the situation was worse than he had imagined, and didn't even know what he could say about it that would help.

"Do what you think is right." Aris gave him a sincere smile. "But also take into account what Thomas wants. It's not just your feelings that are at stake." Newt nodded, and before Aris could add anything the blond hid again among the covers. Aris just told him that he would leave, and that if he needed anything, just had to call him.

Now it was only Newt and his thoughts. Time advanced, and it was already six in the afternoon. With the few forces he had, Newt got up and sat on the edge of his bed, watching his shoes.

The game was going to start at 8:00 p.m.

Not knowing what motivated him, he put on his shoes and left his bedroom, heading to the library. The lady at the entrance greeted him by name, since Newt used to spend most of his afternoons there, so he was already known by all the librarians.

"How's your friend, Thomas? I heard that today is the final." Of course she would ask for him, since the brunet used to accompany him sometimes to the library, and Thomas was a person who didn't usually go unnoticed, so he made a friendship with the librarians very quickly. Newt just nodded, and told the librarian he had to go, she nodded and let the boy go on his way.

While being under his covers, a memory had invaded Newt like a wave, causing it to sink into it. He remembered when he and Thomas were younger and made pajamas parties. They used to hide under the covers, imagining that they made forts, and with lamps, lit their hiding place. Newt was one of the best at reading in his class, and he always wanted to show Thomas what he was capable of, so the brunet could felt proud of him. So, Newt used to read stories out loud every night. That memory was very vague, but everything began to be clearer and he remembered which book used to be their favorite. The book that they had easily read about five full times, and had played those adventures about a thousand, _Journey to the Centre of the Earth._ That was the book that they enjoyed the most.

Newt ran through the halls looking for the book, from shelf to shelf. The blond didn't know what he expected to find there, he knew that the answer to all his problems wouldn't be found in any of the pages, but he wanted to know if Thomas also remembered it, if he remembered all those adventures, and nights they shared, if he had also placed a picture there.

He found the title of the book, there were about three copies of it. His illusion decreased when he opened each of it and found nothing inside. This meant nothing, but Newt hoped to find something, a sign that Thomas remembered everything. It was stupid and unnecessary, he knew, but he had been excited to think about it, had made him stand up from his bed. Before leaving the hall, he was putting the books back in their place when he noticed that there was a book hidden behind the books adjacent to the space from which he had taken them. He reached into the bottom of the shelf and took out the book. It was a fourth copy. Nervously, he flipped through the pages and his heart stopped when he found a white card. It contained a drawing of fluorescent stars with a black background.

It didn't need an explanation, Newt knew exactly what Thomas meant. In his room, there had always been fluorescent stars on the ceiling, when his mother used to turn off the lights, they liked to watch them and imagine stories with them. Then Newt got a book about constellations and had forced his father to move them so that some constellations were in his room. He always tried to explain them to Thomas, but the brunet always mentioned that he didn't find the shapes and that the people who had invented them must had been very crazy to see such figures in only dots in the sky. Thomas only learned one constellation, which was the one in the drawing: _Ursa Major_.

Newt turned the card over and watched Thomas' careless letter.

_‘At first I thought you were a constellation._

_I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation:_

_You're as beautiful as endless,_

_You're the universe I'm helpless in'_

He let out a little nervous laugh, Thomas was cheesy enough to do this kind of things, he flushed, and even though he knew that Thomas had only copied the lyrics of a song on a card he had probably stolen from the blond's room, he couldn't stop smiling. He sat on the floor, leaning on the bookshelves and began to cry.

The library clock read 7:45 p.m., Newt took the book and decided to borrow it, even though he was aware that at home he had a better copy of it, he needed one that could accompany him right now.

Newt left the library, hugging the book. The campus was practically empty, there were only a few people who were rushing towards the stadium.

The blond held on to the book and walked there too. Even knowing that Aris had told him that Thomas had set aside a special place for him, he decided to go upper, where there were a couple of free places, to go unnoticed.

Newt began to feel a little anxious to find himself surrounded by so many people, this was one of the main reasons why he didn't attend such events. Still unsure of being there, the stadium lights went out, and turned back on abruptly. The opposing team appeared on the field, being received by cheers.

After a while, the university's musical band began to play, and the cheerleaders began to dance a choreography that seemed too complicated, the team carrying the colors of the university came out. The noise was thunderous, everyone screamed and clapped.

Thomas was at the front, Newt could bet that the brunet was smiling, lighting the place.

"He's so hot." He heard a short-haired girl sitting next to him tell one of her friends. "I have heard that he has been with a girl lately, that she has made him a lot of hickeys. No one knows who she is." The other girl commented, and Newt blushed. "God, I hope not." She replied back. "Imagine how perfect she must be to catch Thomas' attention." She added, drinking of her smoothie. "I bet she's a cheerleader. Those sluts are perfect." The friends laughed at the comment. "Helena," They said at the same time. "I know! That girl is as beautiful as she is hollow. They would still be the hottest couple in the entire university." The two nodded. "Although, if it were Helena, I'm sure she wouldn't keep it a secret," The short-haired girl didn't seem to want to end the conversation about it. "You can't tell, maybe she thinks they'll have more attention when the truth comes to light. That girl knows what she does." With that last comment they ended their conversation. Newt stirred uncomfortably. Everyone started clapping, the game was about to begin.

Newt had gone several times to see Thomas play. The reasons why he agreed were because the brunet begged him to go. He can't say it's something he hates, since he doesn't really do it, but it's because Thomas is part of the game, or Thomas is with him. He likes to watch him run, and celebrate when he scored, he also enjoys to see him scream at the TV and celebrate when his favorite team scores, he found it hilarious. He just, really likes to see him happy. Newt would never watch a football game on television alone, Thomas would have to be with him.

The game started, and the screaming and singing didn't stop. Thomas was the first on score and everyone celebrated like crazy. He simply raised his arms. Newt didn't want to think about it, but he could swore that Thomas was seeing the bench where he had reserved a place to the blond, finding nothing.

As the game progressed, and everyone cheered the team, Newt was sure that going had been a bad idea. The noise made him feel anxious, and he didn't even know if he planned to talk to Thomas after all.

Before they realized, they were in the last seconds. Thomas, like the star he is, had the ball in his hands and was running at a speed Newt believed was impossible. The boy was running, and all his teammates tackled those who tried to intercept him, just before the time ended, Thomas arrived to the other side of the stadium, throwing the ball into the end zone, with a stadium turning crazy.

The clock marked the end, all the other players on his team who were on the bench, and the cheerleaders running to where Thomas was. He was smiling, and was hugged by his friends. A cheerleader approached, that Newt could swear was Helena, and placed a kiss on the boy's cheek. His friends carried him between their shoulders, and began to cross the field. Everyone shouted at their seats, and clapped. Shouting the name of the university, and also Thomas'.

All the mess that was Newt's head suddenly began to look clearer, and he understood. Thomas was always going to be the star player, the one in everyone's mouth, he can't help it, he was born for that. Newt wasn't. Newt felt oblivious to the situation, he would never belong to such places.

Now it wasn't so clear to him why they had been friends from the beginning, maybe they were too little to understand, but how did they keep their friendship all this time? They were totally opposite poles.

As Newt's feet subconsciously moved him down of the benches, he suddenly stopped abruptly. Still appreciating the scene that seemed so unreal. It looked like a movie, in which Thomas was the main character.

He thought of everything that meant that somehow he could lost his fears and they were together. It would be a disaster. In the first place, he would have to deal with girls like the ones who were sitting next to him, judging him and how he didn't deserve to be with Thomas. They would have to endure all the negative comments that would surround them, because there were still homophobic people, that all they did was hate without a reason. _Hell_ , Thomas was so popular that Newt would have to deal with a lot of people, all the time. He knew it would ruin the perfect image of the stereotype that Thomas was, the captain of the football team, dating a boy? Newt would never be able to deal with so much social pressure, Thomas would lose too much if he chooses him. He was convincing himself that it was for the best to get away from his friend. Maybe, it would make Thomas feel sad for a while, but at some point he would get over it, and he would be the same again. He could date a pretty girl, one who wasn't chaos like him, and everyone love, someone like Helena. Thomas would learn to be happy, and thank him later, for not letting him ruin his life. As for him, he knew that his life would end the moment he moved Thomas away, but it was a sacrifice he had to make. Thomas deserved everything.

He couldn't belong to his movie, he was not a good character, one that made a good story.

He kept watching the scene, and with a sigh stuck in his throat, he backed away, losing himself in the sea of people, where he thought he belonged.

He didn't know where his feet were leading him, he just knew he wanted to be away. He didn't carry his phone, nor his wallet, just the book he had taken out of the library with Thomas' card on it and some coins in his pocket. The only place he was sure he wanted to be was in Thomas' arms, but that was impossible, and that wanted to make him cry.

He watched the bus stop, and headed to it. He showed his student ID and got in, sat in one of the seats at the end, leaning his head on the window and closing his eyes tightly.

The bus advanced and left the campus, heading to the city. Newt felt numb, and he didn't feel time moving forward. He didn't realize when he got to the final bus stop, or when he got off. Nor does he remember getting on the subway, or the looks that people gave him because his cheeks were wet and because of the aspect he had. He just remember that he walked a lot, that maybe he took another bus or two, and after a while he was in front of his house, in his garden, watching the swing hanging from a tree, in which he and Thomas used to play, he cried louder, is it that everything in his life was going to brought him back to Thomas?

The light of his main entrance was turned on and someone came out, his sister.

"Is anyone there?" The girl looked at her brother's body, quite confused about his presence. "Newt." At hearing his name, the boy felt weak and threw himself on the grass, face up, still crying and thinking he was the most pathetic person in the world. "Oh, my God." Sonya came running, feeling worried immediately, while Newt watched the dark night. There were no stars. "Everything will be fine." The girl whispered as she shouted, calling her parents to help her. "Have you taken your medications?" The blond couldn't stop crying, he felt guilty. If it wasn't Thomas, it was his sister, or his parents who had to look after him. He was a damn burden. "Calm down, everything will be fine. Do you remember how you got here? Newt, had you hurt yourself?" She hugged his brother's body. "I need you to answer me, please." The girl stroked his forehead. "Everything will be fine." The dark sky trying to consume him is the last thing Newt remembers from that night.

He woke up in his bed the next day, with a glass of water on one of his bedside tables, and a couple of pills. Newt took them without water, he was so used to take them that it was already intuitive. He took a sip of water from his glass by habit, and noticed that his door was closed. He stirred in his bed.

He knew his family would wait for _the_ _signal_. Since Newt started with his episodes, and he was struggling to understand them, he didn't want anyone around. So, he closed his bedroom door. In order to understand him better, his family helped him maintain a system. They gave him three papers of different colors. One black, one blue and one yellow, which Newt placed under his door depending on the situation.

The yellow one meant that they could enter, usually he put it after a long day of isolation in his room. His mother came in and sat with him on his bed, stroking his hair and telling him what had happened during the day. His sister came in and read his favorite books to him. His dad sometimes brought him toys, and also solved books of riddles and sudoku with him. Everyone came in to talk to him, because Newt liked to listen to them, it made him feel better. The blue paper meant they couldn't bother him. When Newt placed it they were not allowed to enter the room, it meant he was overwhelmed or too sad to even try, he needed his space. Everyone respected that paper, everyone but Thomas.

Thomas used to come in without caring, and he stayed with Newt even if the blond told him to leave. Thomas didn't want his friend to be alone in the moments where he most needed someone. Newt hated at first that his friend didn't respect his perfect papers system, but found himself thanking his company silently. Sometimes they didn't even pronounce a word, Thomas only came in and stayed in a corner of the room, taking one of the many books from Newt's shelf and sitting down to read it. Neither of them saying a word, but Newt didn't need anything else, it was enough. He knew Thomas was there, and that made him feel a little bit better.

The black paper had only been used three times. That paper was especially for Thomas, and it meant that he _really_ couldn't enter. Newt used that paper when he had anxiety attacks that were too strong, or when he was crying so loudly that he felt his throat was going to break. Newt didn't want to be seen in those conditions by his friend, so for that there was the third paper. The only one Thomas used to respect.

Newt sighed, he knew his family was waiting for the paper. The boy, with all the strength he could get, stood up from his bed and went to his desk. He searched through his things, and he found the papers. He took one and placed it under the door, showing it on the other side. He left it there and went back to bed. After a few minutes, the door opened and his sister entered, with the yellow paper in her hand.

"I feel like I'm lucky, you know? I was the first one to see it." She sat on Newt's bed next to him. The boy gave her a small smile. His sister began to stroke his hair. After a while, his mother arrived and also sat beside him.

Newt knew that they would not question him about the previous night, everyone always respected what the blond wanted or not to share with them, all they could care about is that he had come home in one piece, which was enough for now. Newt broke the silence that had formed.

"I need to tell you something." Both, surprised because Newt had spoken, just nodded. "Well," Newt's cheeks lit up, he didn't know how to start. "Thomas,"

Newt had managed to control his sobbing, and calm his breathing. He had finished telling his mother and sister everything that had happened and his cheeks were full of tears.

"I know that my decision is the right one, but I can't help but feel empty."

There was a silence that surrounded the three, his mother placed one of her hands on top of Newt's, and caressed them.

"Honey, the right thing is what makes you happy." He slowly denied.

"I can't ruin Thomas' life like that, it's the best for him."

"Have you asked him what he wants? What he thinks?" This time it was his sister who spoke. Her voice as their mother's sounded soft.

Newt shook his head. "He thinks what he wants is me, but he's wrong, he's just confused." Another silence.

"Baby, it seems that what you want is to punish yourself. If Thomas wants to be with you, and so do you, you should stop thinking about everything else and try to be happy."

Newt quickly denied. "It's not that simple. I know I'm not good for him, I would only hurt him." The truth hurt his chest. He wiped his tears with a handkerchief that his sister had given him. "He can have a perfect life, he would only have problems with me."

"Newt." His sister looked at him seriously. "I know it's hard to believe you'd fit into Thomas' new life. I have heard about his popularity, and I understand it's overwhelming for you, but you shouldn't stop seeing him as who he really is," Newt looked at her confused. "He's still the boy who used to take care of you since childhood, who protected you from others and refused to let go of your hand. That boy has chosen you from the start, and I know he would never change his decision. I bet he can't even see his life from the angle you paint it, he doesn't imagine himself as someone perfect who needs to be with a perfect girl to be happy. He only took advantage of what appeared on his way, and he wants to be with you." The words fell on Newt like a bucket of cold water.

"Since you were kids, Thomas has known what he's facing." His mother spoke, stroking Newt's hands. "And it was never an option to get away from you, that boy has loved you since he first saw you." Newt softly sobbed.

"If you walk away from Thomas just because of what people might think, you would be doing just the opposite of what he has done all this time. Staying to support you."

The women hugged the boy who was a sea of tears, deciding that he was overwhelmed enough to keep talking.

Newt stayed all weekend at his parents' house, thinking very well what he was going to do. In the end, he decided that his sister was right, and that he didn't have the last word in this situation. Thomas called home twice.

The first time was Saturday morning, Newt's mother had answered, greeting him and explaining the situation of Newt's arrival last night, that had worried Thomas greatly, who had offered to go immediately to visit him. Newt's mother managed to reassure him and convince him not to make the ride, that Newt was fine, and that he would surely return to campus on Monday, where he could see him. Thomas asked if he could talk to him, but by then, Newt hadn't placed any paper under his door yet, commenting on this, Thomas understood, and told her he would call later.

The second time Thomas called, it was on Saturday afternoon, when Newt had already told them about the situation in which the two friends were.

This time his sister replied, greeting Thomas and chatting with him. It didn't take long for him to ask to speak with Newt. The blond was sitting on the couch, seeing his sister talking on the phone with panic on his face.

"Do you want to talk to Newt?" The blond shook his head effusively. "Sorry, but he's asleep. He was exhausted." Thomas mentioned something. "Don't worry, he's fine. Yes, no blue paper." Newt kept watching his sister. "Neither black." The girl smiled at the sigh of relief from the boy on the other side of the phone. "Don't worry, Thomas. No, there is no need for you to come. I think he needs his space." Newt played nervously with his hands, hating himself for continuing to do so, evading Thomas. "I promise he would look for you next week." They exchanged a few more words, and said goodbye. The girl hung up the phone, and went to the couch where Newt was, sitting next to him and leaning his head on the boy's shoulder, hugging him. "You need to be braver than ever." She placed a kiss on his cheek. "Think of him."

When Sunday afternoon arrived, his parents along with his sister took him back to campus. Upon arrival, his mother and sister hugged him as the first time they had left him there.

"Don't worry, the holidays are coming soon." His father also gave him a hug and ruffled his hair. Newt watched the car drive away until it became a dot in space.

Upon arriving at his bedroom, he was greeted by an Aris who kept talking and asking where the hell he had been.

"I was so fucking worried about you." Newt felt a little guilty about it. "Anyways, I think you need to know, the night of the game, I decided to come back because I had a headache too intense. I didn't find you so I assume you had decided to go to the party. Anyway, at midnight someone knocked on the door too loudly so I opened and saw that it was Thomas. He asked me about you and I replied that you weren't here, he seemed not to believe me, which it didn't surprise me, so he pushed me aside and entered. When he saw your empty bed, he walk out very frustrated and looking quite worried. It was reflected in all the times he called your phone, I think the battery ran out on Saturday morning because until then it stopped ringing."

Newt nodded. "Sorry, Aris." He approached his backpack, and emptied it, placing his cell phone on the bed.

His roommate denied. "It wouldn't be you if you weren't surrounded by mystery." He went back to bed. "I'm glad you're fine, but don't do it again jackass."

The next morning, Newt went to his respective classes. These made him a little distracted, and also allowed him to forget the nerves that were eating him alive. He had decided that would talk to Thomas that same day, he couldn't keep putting it off.

At the end of classes, Newt went to Thomas' faculty, with luck and knowing him, he was probably eating with his friends in one of the nearby coffee shops. The blond didn't spend much time to visualize him in one of these. Newt's heart seemed to want to leave his chest as he moved closer to the table. It seemed that he was walking on fire and every step he took did nothing but burn him. Thomas was at a large table, with his friends and several girls, Newt thought the whole idea again and concluded it wasn't as good as he had planned, just before he turned around and walked away as quickly as possible, Minho saw him and greeted him with his hand. Thomas, who was turning his back to the direction in which Newt was coming, decided to turn around and his facial expressions neutralized. Newt hadn’t another choice but to approach.

"Hi." Newt whispered embarrassed, almost only for Thomas. "I wanted to know, do you have time to talk?" Thomas was going to take his backpack from the floor, when the blond interrupted him. "No need, we can talk here. I promise not to take so long." He spoke again, being aware that the boys had arrived at the place not long ago and had barely ordered.

Thomas stood up, saying nothing to his friends. Newt nodded and walked to a balcony that was a little far away from the place.

"We won." Thomas said, breaking the silence between the two. He needed to comment it, because, he didn't feel that he had really lived something if he didn't told Newt.

Newt gave him a melancholy smile. "I know." He turned to look at the floor, and then back to Thomas. "I know, I was there." The brunet looked surprised by the confession. "Congratulations. You really are a star." Newt gave him another smile and Thomas wanted to caress his cheek instinctively. The blond's face lost his smile immediately and was replaced by a sad one.

"Sorry." He said in a broken voice, making the brunet worry. "Sorry for everything." Just before Thomas had time to ask what he meant, Newt continued talking. "Sorry for ignoring you as many times as you called me, sorry for evading you, sorry for treating you so badly, and sorry for just thinking of me and not listening to you. Sorry for all that." Newt let out a sigh. "But mostly, sorry for hurting you."

Thomas stayed quiet, knowing that Newt had to let off steam, and knowing that he would have time to talk later. "I was afraid." Newt didn't know where to look. "Now I'm not sure why, but I was terrified."

"I've tried to convince myself that walking away is the best thing I can do for you." Thomas frowned. "But you don't let me let you go."

"I've talked to my sister and my mom about it." Newt flushed, because of his confession of talking about Thomas with someone. "And, I think they're right when they say I need to hear you." Newt gave him a fleeting smile. "Tommy, you're the most important thing to me." The older one let out a small unconscious smile at the nickname and the confession. "But I'm really terrified of what you can say, because I'm afraid of you clinging to me." The blond looked at the floor. "That would mean that you love me, and that you accept me with all that implies." Newt sobbed. "And that isn't fair for you, because although I love you too, I'm not sacrificing as much as you." There it was, the point that Newt was so afraid to reach, but now it was inevitable. "What if one day you regret it, and you realize that all those sacrifices were not worth it? What if one day you regret choosing me?"

Thomas placed the boy in his arms, giving him a hug and kissing his forehead.

"You will always love me more, and that isn't fair." The blond tried to recover the posture, remembering that a few meters away were Thomas' friends, perhaps watching them. So, he took a deep breath, and wiping his tears with the sleeve of his brown wool jacket, broke away from the hug.

Thomas said nothing, and just watched. He took the blond's hand, squeezing it and smiled at him.

"I'm surprised you notice it so far." The blond frowned. "Newt, I've always loved you more."

"You have never been a person who really shows how you feel, and that has never bothered me, because I have learned to read you. I have decided to take care of you because I like it, because I want to, not because I feel it like a responsibility. I will always be the one who gives more but that's not what matters to me, because I am also the happiest. I am the happiest when you are by my side, when you let me take care of you. It is what I choose to do. As complicated as it may be, at the end of the day, if you were by my side, everything was worth it."

Newt was surprised, for the first time in a long time he had run out of arguments, without excuses. Thomas squeezed the blond's hand again, pulling him out of his trance. At the distance, Newt observed that Thomas' friends were eating already, and that they would soon call him. Newt smiled, and wiped his tears back with the sleeve of his jacket, releasing Thomas' hand.

They looked into each other's eyes for a while, feeling somehow different. Thomas' friends shouted his name, indicating him that his order had already arrived. He just turned around and indicated with a hand that he would go in a moment. Before Thomas spoke again, wanting to ask Newt if he wanted to go somewhere else, the blond took his backpack that had placed on the floor, and approached Thomas, placing a kiss on his cheek, blushing instantly.

"See you soon." With that, Newt started walking away and soon he disappeared.

And Thomas didn't feel the need to go after him, because he knew the boy wouldn't lie to him.

"So, are you dating?" Aris bit the donut he had, and continued playing with his swivel chair.

Newt denied effusively, playing with the sleeves of his jacket.

"No, we aren't. The only thing that happened is what I told you."

"Damn, Newt. And you haven't talked to him since then? It's been three days!"

The blond slowly denied. "What am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know, that you love him? That want to be with him all your life? That you miss leaving those hickeys on his neck... Ouch!" The blond had thrown a pillow at his friend to shut him up.

"Well, in part I think you're right. I should contact him. Should I send him a text?" Aris gave him a death glare. "Okay, I'll look for him, but first I have to go to the library."

Upon arriving at the huge building, Newt had in his hands the book he had taken the night of the game. He thought it was time to return it, since he had read it again and the card made by Thomas was already stored safely in his box of valuable things under his bed at home.

Upon entering the library and registering the return of the book, he offered to take it back to its shelf, the librarian agreed, so the blond headed towards the floor from where he had took the book. Newt surprised, realized that Thomas was reading a book at one of the tables near the bookshelf. He tried to control his breathing, and decided it was time to face the boy. He approached with insecure steps, and placed himself in front of the table.

"Is this seat empty?" The brunet took his gaze away of the book he was reading, now looking at Newt, his eyes seemed to light up.

"Newt." Thomas gave him a soft smile. "Sit, please."

Newt smiled and did what the brunet said. The blond began to swing his feet nervously.

"I was about to go looking for you." Newt confessed. "I'm glad I found you."

Thomas' gaze fell on the book that Newt was holding against his chest and raised an eyebrow.

"So you found it." Newt seemed not to have understood what Thomas meant, but then he remembered the book he was hugging and his cheeks turned red.

"Yeah, I," His features relaxed, and although his legs couldn't stop shaking, he smiled sincerely at the boy in front of him. "I don't know what to tell you."

"You don't need to say anything." The brunet smiled at him again, returning his eyes to the book he was reading.

"No." Newt made the brunet return his gaze at him, and although he was nervous about it, he knew that he had to tell the boy what it meant to him. "It's one of the most beautiful things anyone has done for me, and I'm not surprised that it was you, because I didn't expect it from anyone else. The photos, the drawing, the song... Tommy, thanks. You have no idea how much it means to me, how special it made me feel. You made me felt like a good damn story."

Thomas smiled at him, and took Newt's hand in his, which were on the table.

"It's what you are." He slowly stroked the knuckles of the blond with his fingers, as if they were a relic that he felt disintegrating.

"Tommy, I wanted to tell you something,"

"Guys!" A shout was heard, which was immediately silenced by a librarian. "Yes, I'm sorry. Shhh." Their friend Teresa approached the table where the two boys were, and Newt watched their hands intertwined with panic. Thomas seemed to notice it so, still not wanting to, he withdrew his hand, the two missing the touch instantly. "Newt, I haven't seen you in a while, how are you?" The blond nodded, stroking his own hand. "I don't know if Thomas has told you but since our birthdays are relatively close, we have decided that we will celebrate them together. With _we_ , I mean Minho and me, since this guy," She pointed at Thomas. "Had told us he didn't want to do anything, but to convince him I promised him you'll be there. So you won't fail me, won't you?" The two pairs of eyes fell on the blond, expectant.

"I hope not." Newt replied. Teresa smiled at him, and turned to see Thomas.

"See? I told you that Newt would never fail me. You can breathe now, your boy will be there, you don't need anything else." Thomas smiled and shook his head, glaring at Teresa. Newt couldn't see them, too flushed to lift his head. "Minho has promised me it will be fantastic. Oh, and it will be this Friday, since we want it to be before they flood us with evaluations. We know it's very improvised, but it will be legendary. One more thing, it will be at the cabin where we celebrate the end of the course, you know, the one next to the lake. That's how big the party will be!"

Almost reading the expression on Newt's face, Thomas spoke. "Don't worry, I can take you." The blond smiled, and nodded slowly.

"Of course you will." Teresa replied, smiling too. The librarian watched her with withering eyes, Teresa noticed her for the first time. "Oh, yes. I forgot that I must leave before I get vetoed for life. See you guys."

After Teresa left, Newt decided it was time to return to the dorm, and Thomas offered to take him. So they were in the brunet's car, parked in front of the building where Newt lived, with the sky upholstered in a dark blue and the two nervous boys.

"Thank you for the ride." Newt broke the silence that had flooded them, after Thomas had turned off his car and the music that filled the place had disappeared.

"No problem." Both smiled and felt more comfortable again. "Will you go? You know, to the party."

"I guess."

"You don't have to do it for me, you know that, right? I know you don't like crowded places, and you shouldn't feel obligated to,"

"Tommy." Newt interrupted. "It's your birthday party, of course I'll go. I have never missed any, have I?" The brunet denied. "Besides, I promised Teresa."

"Well, now promise me that if you feel uncomfortable, at least you will tell me."

He understood why Thomas was worried about him, Newt hadn't been too easy to deal with in the past weeks, so it made sense that Thomas tried to take care of him.

"I promise."

Thomas kept his eyes on the steering wheel, playing a little with the keys of the car.

"Tommy?" The brunet turned around to look at the other boy. "Thank you for everything." Newt gave a sincere smile and approached, placing a kiss on the corner of his lips. "Rest."

The blond opened the door of the car, pulling Thomas out of the trance he was in. He smiled at the brunet for the last time, and went to the entrance of the building, leaving both with a stupid smile on their faces.

The week went by too slowly for everyone's taste. After Thomas had left Newt in the building, they began to text again, recovering the habit they used to have. They didn't have enough chances to be together during the week, since whenever they were it wasn't only them, and the boys hadn't looked for the opportunity, since they were nervous enough to do so.

Friday had arrived, and with that the afternoon. Newt was getting dressed to go to the big party of Thomas and Teresa, he was too nervous to care about what to wear. He didn't know what to expect, lately he and Thomas had been talking a lot, and whenever they were together they were happy, but since the kiss he gave Thomas the night he left him in his bedroom, nothing had happened again. That worried Newt a lot, so he didn't know what to expect from the party. The brunet hadn't made a single move in all the chances he had during the week, and Newt was afraid that Thomas had got over him. His phone vibrated, indicating that he had a new message. Thomas was outside.

He dressed quickly, took his phone, his keys and the gift he had wrapped in bright blue paper with a green bow. Newt took a deep breath, and left the dorm.

Thomas received him with a smile when the blond entered the car, observed what Newt had in his hands and laughed denying.

"You shouldn't have,"

"I know your birthday is in five days, but your party is today, so I thought it would be impolite not to give you a gift. It's not a big deal, but I still plan to keep our tradition by giving you the worst gift at your real birthday party, because, your mother plans to make you one, right?"

Thomas laughed. "When hasn't she made me one?" Newt smiled, extending the gift.

"Open it." Thomas looked at him. "Come on, Tommy. Don't leave me with outstretched hands."

The brunet took it, and began carefully removing the wrap. When he opened it, his expression turned to one of astonishment.

"Newt! Isn't it a big deal? How can it not be a big deal!?"

The blond shrugged.

"My dad knows someone. I just had to make some calls, travel several times by bus, realize that I don't know how to travel by bus and get lost a few times, wait in offices and sun myself a lot, but, it's not something I wouldn't do for you." Newt just said at him nervously, being dragged by Thomas' arms in a big hug. The blond allowed himself to enjoy being in the arms of Thomas, after quite a long time, they separated.

Thomas took the ball in his hands, admiring all the signatures of his favorite players on it.

"Nothing will ever surpass this gift. Newt, you don't have an idea. They will bury me with this ball." The blond laughed denying.

"I have told you it's nothing."

Thomas took Newt's face with his hand, forcing the boy to observe him.

"It's a big deal. Thank you." Thomas brought him back into his arms, and he didn't let him separate for a long time.

From the moment Thomas saw Newt leave the building where he lived, he wanted to tell him that they should go anywhere but the party, but they were already there, and there was no way they could go back, Newt had already texted Teresa that they had arrived, and Thomas knew that the girl would never forgive him if he decided to leave now.

Leaving the car Thomas surrounded it and stood in front of Newt, the two only looking at each other.

"Ready to be the center of attention?" Newt asked, letting out a small laugh. Thomas wanted to answer that _no_ , that he would rather be anywhere else if it was just them. However, he said nothing and only took his hand. Newt looked surprised, but after a few seconds he smiled and squeezed the grip.

As they moved further towards the cabin, approaching the place where the music came from, they began to meet more people, and when they almost reached the interior, the sea of people who recognized the brunet and decided to congratulate him was inevitable, everyone began to greet him and shout his name, knowing that the missing birthday boy had arrived. The people were too many, and Thomas only knew that what he didn't want to happen was happening, since he only felt Newt let go of the grip, how the blond's hand disappeared from his.

An hour had passed. An hour since the brunet arrived at the party, that he greeted many people, that he was surrounded by loud music, that his red cup had been refill a couple times, more times that he would like to admit, and his friends had forced him to enter drinking contests. Thomas loved his friends a lot, but it had been tough weeks, hard for him and Newt, and for now he just wanted to be with the boy, knowing that everything was fine between them. The reason Thomas had kept his distance with Newt was because he didn't want to pressure him, of course, what he wanted the most was to kiss the boy until he was left without air, hug him and sleep with him in his arms, but he wanted to give Newt time, so that he felt comfortable, so that he wanted the same.

He kept looking for the blond, he hadn't seen the boy since they separated at the beginning of the party, and he wanted to know where he could have gone.

"Tom Boy!" Teresa arrived and hung on of his neck, laughing. "Enjoying our party? And we're starting! This is going to be a graveyard in the end."

"Teresa, have you seen Newt?" The girl seemed to think it, to finally deny.

"Oh, but look, isn't that Aris? His roommate? Maybe he knows something!"

"Good idea, T." The girl nodded and seemed distracted by something, going to talk to someone else.

Thomas approached Aris, who was with his group of friends.

"Aris, how are you? Have you seen Newt?" The boy looked at him and smiled, nodding.

"He asked me to tell you that he's fine, that he will be at the lake, that you have nothing to worry about, and that you should enjoy your party. A pretty big message as you can hear."

Newt watched as his feet generated waves in the water, he smiled as he saw the silent landscape that surrounded him. He knew that no one would come to the lake, the party was still young, so it would take a long time for someone to decide to go, and even if that happened, the blond had made sure to walk enough to not meet anyone else.

"Is my party so boring?" Newt jumped and then let out a small laugh, denying.

"The idea of telling Aris to tell you where I was, it was for not worry you, not to come looking for me." Newt commented, still playing with his feet in the water. "I'm fine Tommy, you don't need to take care of me. Enjoy your party."

Thomas approached and sat next to the blond on the wooden pier, taking off his sneakers and his socks, also putting his feet in the water.

"I didn't come to take care of you, I'd rather be here with you." He replied, making Newt feel as if the universe was exploding inside him. He placed his hand on top of the blond's, caressing it.

They were silent for a few minutes, comfortable enough to say something.

"I always wondered why people got into the lake late at night. You know? I thought it was very impractical, too uncomfortable, but now that I am here, it looks like something natural, wanting to be part of this beautiful landscape." Newt sighed. "Or maybe they are just way too drunk to think. Anyways, it's pretty."

Thomas laughed at Newt's words.

"I have an idea." And before Newt could answer, Thomas began to take off his jacket, then started unbuttoning his shirt.

"What are you doing?" Newt asked, surprised.

"Belonging to the landscape." The blond laughed.

"Maybe you are just drunk." Newt replied, still laughing.

"Come on, I will not do it alone." Suddenly, Thomas was just in underwear. He jumped into the lake, splashing a little. He surfaced with a smile on his lips. "Fuck, it's cold." Newt laughed at him. "Will you leave me here alone? On my birthday?"

"Are you blackmailing me?" The blond raised an eyebrow.

"It works?"

Newt laughed again, and after thinking about it, began to take off his shirt, under the watchful eye of Thomas. After a while, he was only in his underwear, and after much discussion with Thomas, he was pulled by the foot, falling into the lake.

When Newt surfaced, he laughed and hit Thomas in the chest.

"I told you I was going to do it! I just needed time."

They began to swim, delighted by the tranquility of the place. After a while they stopped and came close enough for their feet to collide when floating. They looked into each other's eyes, Newt's lips shivering a little because he was cold. Thomas instinctively approached and placed the blond in his arms, Newt wrapped his around the brunet's neck.

The boys' hearts seemed to explode. Newt placed one of his hands on Thomas' cheek, stroking it.

"It's bloody cold." Newt said, making both of them laugh. After they stopped, Thomas tightened his grip on the boy's waist, and approached, closing the distance between them. The kiss was slow, delicate, unlike the pasts, which had been strong, it seemed that Thomas believed that at any moment Newt would break. He was so happy to have him in his arms, to be able to kiss him.

Newt opened his mouth, giving him access, and the brunet explored in its entirety, leaving them without air. They separated, Thomas placing a fleeting kiss on the lips of the blond, who leaned on Thomas' shoulder.

"Tommy, I," The brunet was afraid, afraid of what the boy in his arms could tell him, afraid he would want to push him away again.

"I'm in love with you." He suddenly confessed, unable to control his words. Newt left the hiding place that provided Thomas' shoulder. Surprise was reflected on his face, but then he gave the brunet a smile, and stroked his cheek with his hand.

"I'm in love with you too." Thomas sighed of relief. "But I don't want to hurt you, Tommy, and I know I eventually will."

Thomas denied effusively. "Newt, I know what I have faced all my life. I know you would never hurt me on purpose. I know I can't tell you that I understand you, because I've never been in a similar situation, but I've always been there for you. I've seen you in the worst situations, and I still think you're the best thing that could have happened to me. There is nothing that can happen that can take me away from you. Please, don't be the one who drives me away."

Newt's eyes were crystallized.

"So you decide to stay? Even if it's a disaster?" Thomas nodded. "Because you love me?" Thomas placed a huge smile, and approached the blond, kissing him delicately, enjoying the moment, after they ran out of air again and separated, Newt came back to his position in Thomas' shoulder. "I love you too, Tommy." He whispered, almost inaudibly, but loud enough to be heard by the brunet.

They stayed for a while like that, enjoying each other, until the cold began to be too much because of the lack of movement, and they decided to leave.

They came out, and tried to dry themselves by jumping, which made them laugh a lot. After a failed attempt, they put on their clothes, and their shoes.

"I think we have to go back to the party." Thomas said, more trying to convince himself. "Will you leave my side again?"

Newt looked at him, approaching and placing his arms around the brunet's neck, giving him a sweet kiss.

"You'll be fine without me, it's only a few hours."

"A few hours? All I want to do now is have you in my arms, it will be torture." Newt flushed, laughing and pushing Thomas.

"I promise you that after this, you will have me in your arms for as long as you want." He mocked.

"Forever?" Newt laughed again and shook his head.

"Stop, stop being so cheesy."

"I can't help it when it comes to you." Newt placed a kiss on his lips again.

"You know you want to enjoy your party."

As they approached the place, Newt released the grip on Thomas' hand. The brunet just turned to see him, and Newt gave him a nervous smile. His friends saw Thomas and began to talk to him, and as in the beginning, the blond moved away. Thomas smiled at them, and tried to ignore the hole that seemed to appear in his chest every time Newt walked away.

The party advanced and with that the drunkenness of Thomas, he wasn't drunk enough to forget who he was, but if someone asked him to hold a tray full of glasses, he is sure each glass would break. 

He was sitting at a table with his friends, laughing and trying to ignore the fact that the music was too loud, almost leaving him deaf.

Teresa hit his knee. "How's my star captain?"

He just nodded, smiling at the girl.

"Where have you been? You got lost for a good time and came back all wet."

Everyone at the table looked at Thomas expectantly.

"Yeah, Thomas. Were you with your mysterious girl?"

"That's the idea brother, enjoying your birthday." Everyone laughed and began to scream with joy.

Thomas looked up, and noticed that not far away was Newt with Aris and his group of friends. The blond was smiling and laughing at something his roommate had said. Thomas smiled, and raised his cup when Teresa made a toast.

"Get in the car." Newt commented to Thomas' friends as they climbed into the back. "Carefully."

The brunet was holding Teresa while trying to sit her in the back of her friend Brenda's car, who was her designated driver. Thomas put his friend the seat belt and gave her a kiss on the head.

"Thank you, Thomas." Brenda said. "See you." The brunet nodded and said goodbye with a wave of hand.

He went to where all his friends were, trying to get into his car and smiled when he saw how Newt was trying to direct everyone so that it wouldn't turn into a huge disaster.

Thomas tried to get into the pilot's seat, but was stopped by the blond.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Thomas turned and replied confused.

"To where I live?" Newt denied and moved him from the entrance of the seat.

"Tonight, you go there." Newt pointed toward the passenger seat.

"Newt, I'm fine."

"Tell me how many countries the continent of Europe has." The brunet frowned.

"Newt, nobody here knows that even sober." The blond smiled.

"I know, so it seems that I drive tonight." He stuck out his tongue, and Thomas felt the need to kiss him at that moment, but he didn't.

Thomas climbed into the passenger seat and tried to fasten the belt, not being able to do so. Newt just laughed and did it for him. When he was close, Thomas placed a kiss on his cheek.

"You are so beautiful." Thomas whispered, still watching him. Newt flushed, and denied.

"And you are so drunk."

"That doesn't take away how beautiful you are." Approaching the brunet, and turning back, observing that most of Thomas' friends were distracted, Newt placed a fleeting kiss on the brunet's lips, making him smile like an idiot. And if several saw it they said nothing, and if Minho saw it and only decided to smile and rejoice for his two friends, nobody has to know.

Getting everyone off the car was a challenge Newt was proud to have achieved. It took almost half an hour, but in the end all Thomas' friends were in their respective rooms. The brunet was not a big problem, since he could stand on both his feet, which made Newt's job much easier, who only took his hand and guided him to his respective room.

Newt placed the gift he had given Thomas at his desk, and sat the boy on the bed.

"Are you all right?" Thomas nodded. "Bye, Tommy." The brunet denied and took Newt by the hand.

"I don't want you to go." Thomas stroked the other boy's knuckles with his fingers, enjoying the touch. "You promised me that after the party I would hold you in my arms for as long as I wanted."

"You remember that but not the number of countries that Europe has?"

"No one knows that!" Newt laughed and approached Thomas, placing himself between the brunet's legs.

"What do you want to do?" He sat on one of the boy's legs, and circled Thomas' neck with his arms.

"Make out?" The blond laughed. "I really want to kiss you."

After a while in which Newt caressed Thomas' cheek, he spoke. "Then do it."

Their lips met, and they were giving each other clumsy and wet kisses, leading Thomas to madness. After a while, they separated and placed their foreheads together.

"I think you should rest a little. I will bring you water and some pills." Newt was going to stood up from Thomas' lap, but the brunet tightened his grip. "I promise to come back."

When Newt returned, Thomas was already in boxers with a white shirt. He placed the glass and the pills on the table next to Thomas' bed, and sat next to him. Thomas stood and rummaged through his drawers, pulling out a shirt and spreading it to Newt.

"Surely your clothes are still wet."

They were lying in Thomas' bed, the brunet with his arms around Newt, their legs intertwined, leaving no space between, stroking one of Newt's cheeks with his nose, giving him clumsy kisses.

"We should sleep." Newt said between kisses.

"I guess." Thomas pressed him closer to him, placing a final kiss on his lips. 

Thomas woke up without the blond in his arms. He let out a strong sigh, and with much willpower he stood up from the bed. Surprisingly, he hadn't dawned with any kind of physical pain or a headache, but his heart ached because Newt was gone.

When he stood up and went out into the hall, he heard laughter in the kitchen. Still not wanting to talk with anyone, decided that he would go down, because he was starving.

He was received by many pairs of eyes perching on him, his heart skipped a beat at realize that Newt was there, he was smiling and had some flour in his hair. The blond was with Thomas' friends, some were cooking with Newt and others just laughing.

"Tommy." He came over and took him by the hand, leading him to the table, where Thomas sat. "You have arrived just in time, we have prepared breakfast. We made pancakes and eggs. I can't believe your roommates didn't know how to make pancakes."

"Now we know." Commented one of the boys named Trent. Everyone agreed.

"They have also helped me set the table, you have a great team on the field and out of it." The other boys laughed and smiled proudly at Newt's words. They called their friends who weren't still downstairs and suddenly the table was full. Everyone was talking about last night.

Thomas watched Newt, who was two seats away from him, between Minho and other of his friends, Jeff. The little boy seemed comfortable, since he was talking and laughing about the things that he was told. Everyone seemed to worship Newt, and Thomas' heart couldn't be happier.

"Well, I have to go. I have to do a linguistic project with some friends. See you guys." Everyone said goodbye to Newt, wishing him luck.

Thomas stood up from the table as if his life depended on it, following the blond, earning several curious looks.

"I can take you there." Thomas offered, going for his keys.

"Don't worry, my friend's outside already."

"Who?" He asked immediately, since he knew that Newt normally teamed up with Aris and his friends, and none of them had a car.

"Oh, Winston? I think I haven't told you about him." Thomas denied.

"I accompany you to the entrance, then."

Everyone else kept eating, sneaking a peek at the two boys who left by the door. The news had run between them like a bullet. At first, they had taken the friendship of the two boys as normal, that they were always together, and stupidly that Thomas appeared with a hickey every time Newt was in the same place. Their suspicions began to emerge the time the two boys had their fight, Thomas was quite depressed, seemed to not want to enjoy anything. Since then, Thomas didn't appear again with a hickey. Their suspicions increased when the two boys spoke again, Thomas seemed to be happier, and always took every opportunity to talk to Newt by text or call, and everything was finally confirmed on the day of the party.

Last night several boys from the team had seen Thomas walking to the lake and returning very happy with a Newt by the hand, in addition to the fact that also Minho and three other boys had seen the fleeting kiss that had left Thomas smiling like a moron in the car. With that, it didn't cost them much to add two plus two, and they came to the conclusion that the mysterious girl was no one but Newt.

The two boys went out the door, seeing the red car that was waiting for the blond. Thomas frowned.

"Will you call me?" Thomas asked, placing his hands on the blond's waist. The boy just blushed, nodding.

"I will also text you so much that you will get tired of me."

"That's impossible." Thomas stroked the blond's cheek, and placed a quick kiss on his lips. Newt separated in surprise and blushing, turning towards the surroundings, hoping that no one had seen them. He knew that the only one capable of observing them was Winston.

"Tommy." He commented in a reproachful manner, even though he couldn't hide his smile. "I'll call you later." He kissed Thomas' cheek and headed to the red car.

Thomas watched the car until it disappeared. He came back inside, and his friends kept a sepulchral silence, all pairs of eyes on the brunet, who frowned confused. He sat down again at the table, trying to continue eating, but the atmosphere was too strange for the boy.

"Has something happened?" He took a bite of his breakfast and placed it in his mouth.

Gally, one of his friends, cleared his throat. "Since when?"

"Since when, what?" He drank his orange juice.

"Since when are you screwing Newt?" Minho asked, making Thomas drown with the juice he was drinking. Everyone laughed, but they took a serious stance again very quickly.

Thomas watched them, sighing.

"I'm not, no. I'm not screwing him."

"Sorry, we had forgotten that you were a hopeless romantic, since when are you sharing kisses with Newt?" Thomas could swear his face couldn't be redder.

"Two months, maybe?"

"Maybe?" Alby repeated.

"Two months, and six days." Thomas replied, scratching his head. Everyone let out shouts of celebration and laughter.

"So our Thomas is no longer available, huh?"

"It's not official yet." He looked up and watched his friends, who fell silent again to listen to the boy.

"And what do you want? Do you want Newt to be your boyfriend?" Gally asked as he took a bite of his pancake.

Thomas watched them again.

"Yeah, I... He's everything I've always wanted." Everyone released sounds of tenderness, mocking, making the brunet roll his eyes.

"You should ask him then." Everyone nodded, excited at Alby's words.

"But, what if it's not what he wants?"

"Are you crazy? That boy loves you!"

"It's delicate."

"You know we're here to listen to you." Minho tried to comfort his friend, all nodding in agreement.

Thomas smiled, happy for the support all his friends were offering him.

"Yeah, it's just, I think I'll talk to Newt."

Everyone released words of encouragement for Thomas, which made him feel more confident, and very lucky for the friends he had.

_To Newt (17:45 PM): Do you want to do something today after you finish your project?_

Thomas pressed the send button, leaving him and his friends waiting for the answer. A few minutes passed before Thomas' phone vibrated, indicating that he had received a text. Everyone stood around him, trying to observe the answer.

_From Newt (17:49 PM): Tommy! Of course, I will tell Winston to leave me at your place, okay?_

"Who's Winston?" Gally asked.

Thomas frowned. "A Newt's classmate."

"I hadn't heard of him." Minho commented, reading the text. Thomas shrugged, not wanting to give it more importance.

Time passed too slowly for Thomas' taste. It was already nine o'clock at night when his phone vibrated again. One of his friends took it.

"Newt will arrive in five minutes." Everyone sat in the living room, while Thomas decided what to do. His phone vibrated again. "He's outside."

Thomas approached Minho. "Give me that." He said, snatching the phone from his hands.

He went to the door and opened. Newt was waving goodbye to Winston, who returned the gesture to the blond.

Newt turned and smiled at Thomas. Placing his hands around the brunet's face, the blond gave him a short kiss on the lips.

"Hello." Newt smiled and took Thomas' hand. They headed inside the house. Noticing that all the friends of the brunet were in the living room, Newt released Thomas' hand, and placed his inside the pocket of the black jacket he was wearing.

"Hi guys." Newt smiled at them.

"I'll go for a jacket, wait here."

The boys were too happy for Thomas, and they wanted to tell Newt but they knew they still couldn't do it, so they just kept a big smile on their faces making Newt feel uncomfortable.

Thomas came back, and said goodbye to his friends. Upon leaving he took Newt's hand and headed to his car.

"Were the boys high?" Newt asked as they head to wherever Thomas had planned to take them. The brunet laughed.

"Why do you believe that?"

"When you went for your jacket, they were smiling like idiots." Thomas laughed harder.

Thomas parked the car and got out of it, Newt on the other side opened the door and jumped out. Stretching his feet a little, he followed Thomas who took him by the hand, and took with the other a thermos that was in his car along with a package of cookies.

The two walked until they were near a viewpoint, where there was a bench that had a view of the entire city.

"Are we on a date?" Newt asked, sitting next to Thomas on the bench, placing one of his legs on top of Thomas'. The other boy just nodded. "Tommy, you should have told me, I would have tried to fix my hair."

"You look beautiful." The brunet stroked Newt's cheek and smiled at him. Opening the thermos and offering what was inside. "It's hot chocolate, I tried to do it just like my mother does." Newt raised his eyebrows.

"You know I love your mother's chocolate." Newt took the thermos and took a sip. "Tommy, I'll keep you forever if you make me chocolate every day." Both laughed, and observed the view of the city for a moment.

"Newt." The blond looked at Thomas, attentive. "I'm in love with you, and I think it's something you already know. But I need you to have it very clear." Newt flushed, he couldn't help it. "I'm in love with you, and you don't know how much. Being with you makes me the happiest person in the universe, and I need to know if you will let me continue being that person. Would you like to go out with me? You know, like boyfriends, be able to hold your hand, and kiss you whenever I want, take you on dates and let my mother know that I managed to get the pretty boy who lives in front of us to agree to go out with me, and that I will take him to dinner and family gatherings. I want to do everything with you, Newt, and I'm sorry if I'm scaring you, I know we are way too young, but every time you are with me I feel that I am complete, that everything is fine." Thomas took the blond's hands in his. "I know it's not easy for you, that you are afraid that this will not work, that you are going to hurt me, but I know that you love me too, and that's enough to be worth the risk." Tears slipped down Newt's cheeks, which Thomas soon began to clean with his thumbs. "My heart belongs to you, Newt. And I'm willing to do anything to make you feel at least a little of what you make me feel, but I need you to want to take the risk too." Thomas' heart was beating hard and it seemed that it would leave his body at any moment.

The words couldn't get out of Newt's chest, they were stuck. In front of him was the boy of his dreams, telling him that he was willing to do anything for him.

Thomas' gaze faded a little, after a time when Newt hadn't said anything yet. "Just remember that I love you, okay? I'm not trying to hurry you, and I'm very sorry if I made you feel that way. It's fine if you don't want the same, I just wanted you to know. I'm so sorry I made you cry, Newt, I,"

Thomas gave him a weak smile, and tried to remove his hands from Newt's cheeks, but the blond placed his on top of Thomas', tightening the grip.

Closing the eyes, and trying to sort all his thoughts, Newt tried to focus only on the hands that rested on his cheeks, and for the first time, tried to think only of him, what he felt, without repressing, without punishing himself, without listening the thoughts that told him that he wasn't enough for Thomas, only concentrated on what the boy sitting next to him made him feel.

"Yes." Newt said weakly, opening his eyes. "I want to be with you, I want to try. I love you, Tommy."

A smile was painted on Thomas' face that according to Newt, could illuminate the entire universe. He placed the blond in a tight hug and kissed his forehead.

"I love you too." Newt raised his head, posing his sight on Thomas' face. "It breaks my heart to see you cry, do you want us to go now? We can do anything you want, I just want you to feel better."

"These are happy tears, don't worry." Newt caressed Thomas' hands. "Just kiss me, okay?" Newt said. Thomas just smiled and bowed his head, taking Newt's legs and placing the boy on his lap. Newt smiled between kisses and began to stroke the hair of Thomas with his fingers, allowing himself to enjoy the moment with his new _boyfriend_.

After a while, with swollen lips and flushed cheeks, they separated, and joined their foreheads, Thomas giving the blond Eskimo kisses.

"We're going to be one of those cloying couples, aren't we?"

"I hope so." Thomas replied, making Newt laugh against his mouth.

"Gross." Newt said, as he leaned to kiss Thomas again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little messy, I guess. But I loved writing it, so hope you like xx  
> Any correction/comment is welcome!
> 
> tumblr: [punknewt](http://punknewt.tumblr.com)


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